But you must write that down, as Dr.
Johnson said, in the first page of your pocket-book, and never
speak of it again. It's all too good and too sacred to talk about--
almost to think about. And I don't believe in looking BACK, Howard--
nor very much, I think, in looking forward. I know that I wasted
ever so much time and energy as a girl--how long ago that seems!--
in wishing I had done this and that; but it's neither useful nor
pleasant. Now we have got things to do. There is plenty to do at
Windlow for a little for you and me. We have got to know everybody
and understand everybody. And I think that when the year is out, we
must go back to Cambridge. I can't bear to think I have stopped
that. I am not going to hoard you, and cling round you. You have
got things to do for other people, young men in particular, which
no one else can do just like you. I am not a bit ambitious. I don't
want you to be M.P., LL.D., F.R.S., &c., &c., &c., but I do want
you to do things, and to help you to do things. I don't want to be
a sort of tea-table Egeria to the young men--I don't mean that--and
I don't wish to be an interesting and radiant object at dinner-
tables; but I am sure there is trouble I can save you, and I don't
intend you to have any worries except your own. I won't smudge my
fingers over the accounts, like that wretched Dora in David
Copperfield. Understand that, Howard; I won't be your girl-bride. I
won't promise that I won't wear spectacles and be dowdy--anything
to be prosaic!"
"You may adorn yourself as you please," said Howard, "and of
course, dearest child, there are hundreds of things you can do for
me.
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