I will make no
pretences and no complaints. Do with me what You will.'
"I cannot tell you what happened to me, but a great tide of
strength and even joy flowed into my whole being; it was the water
of life, clear as crystal; and yet it was myself all the time! I
was not different, but I was one with something pure and wise and
loving and eternal.
"That has never left me. You will ask why I have not done more,
bestirred myself more; because that is just what one cannot do. All
that matters nothing. The activities which one makes for oneself,
they are the delusions which hide God from us. One must not strive
or rebuke or arrange; one must simply love and be. Let me tell you
one thing. I was haunted all my early life with a fear of death. I
liked life so well, every moment of it, every incident, that I
could not bear to think it should ever cease; now, though I shrink
from pain as much as ever, I have no shrinking whatever from death.
It is the perfectly natural and simple change, and one is with God
there as here. The soul and God--those are the two imperishable
things; one has not either to know or to act--one has only to
feel."
She ceased speaking, and sat for a moment upright in her chair.
Then she went on. "Now the moment I saw you, my dear boy, I loved
you--indeed I have always loved you, I think, and I have always
felt that some day in His good time God would bring us together.
But I see too that you have not found the strength of God.
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