These horribly energetic nuisances never find anything that
precisely suits them, and are always insisting that everything stands in
need of the improvements which they gratuitously suggest. Latterly they
have ventured to attack _Rip Van Winkle,_--not the actor, but the
play,--and to insist that the closing scene should be so modified as to
make the play a temperance lecture of the most unmistakable character.
If you recollect--as of course you do--the last scene in that exquisite
drama, you can still hear "RIP'S" tremulous voice as he says, "I will
take my pipe and my glass, and will tell my strange story to all my
friends. And I will drink _your_ good health, and your family's, and may
you live long and prosper." And now come the Progressive Nuisances, and
ask Mr. JEFFERSON to change this ending so that it will read as
follows:--
GRETCHEN.--"Here is your glass, RIP."
RIP.--"But I swore off."
GRETCHEN.--"Bless you, my husband. Promise me never more to touch the
intoxicating beer-mug."
RIP.--"I promise. Hereafter I will take my TUPPER'S Proverbial
Philosophy and my glass of water, and I will daily address all my
friends on the subject of total abstinence from everything that cheers,
whether it inebriates or not.
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