He did not
pretend to conceal this from his friends. Writing to Mr. Stuart on
January 23d, he said: "I am now the most miserable man living. If what
I feel were equally distributed to the whole human family, there would
not be one cheerful face on the earth. Whether I shall ever be better
I cannot tell; I awfully forebode I shall not. To remain as I am is
impossible. I must die or be better, it appears to me. The matter you
speak of on my account you may attend to as you say, unless you shall
hear of my condition forbidding it. I say this because I fear I shall
be unable to attend to any business here, and a change of scene might
help me."
In the summer he visited his friend Speed, who had sold his store in
Springfield, and returned to Louisville, Kentucky. The visit did much
to brighten his spirits, for, writing back in September, after his
return, to his friend's sister, he was even gay.
A curious situation arose the next year (1842), which did much to
restore Lincoln to a more normal view of his relation to Miss Todd.
In the summer of 1841, his friend Speed had become engaged. As his
marriage approached, he in turn was attacked by a melancholy not
unlike that which Lincoln had suffered. He feared he did not love well
enough to marry, and he confided his fear to Lincoln.
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