Alas! how
much guile did that seeming desperation hide, which, as the result has
now shown, though it may have come from the heart, never afterward
returned to the same, and made manifest later that its revealment on the
face was only a lure and a delusion! And, not to mention all his deeds,
each of which was full of most artful deception, he so wrought upon me
by his own craft, or else the fates willed it should so happen, that I
straightway found myself enmeshed in the snares of sudden and
unthought-of love, in a manner beyond all my powers of telling, and so I
remain unto this very hour.
It was this one alone, therefore, most pitiful ladies, that my heart, in
it mad infatuation, chose, not only among so many high-born, handsome
and valiant youths then present, but even among all of the same degree
having their abode in my own Parthenope, as first and last and sole lord
of my life. It was this one alone that I loved, and loved more than any
other. It was this one alone that was destined to be the beginning and
source of my by any pleasure, although often tempted, being at last
vanquished, have burned and now burn in the fire which then first caught
me. Omitting many thoughts that came into my mind, and many things that
were told me, I will only say that, intoxicated by a new passion, I
returned with a soul enslaved to that spot whence I had gone forth in
freedom.
When I was in my chamber, alone and unoccupied, inflamed with various
wild wishes, filled with new sensations and throbbing with many
anxieties, all of which were concentrated on the image of the youth who
pleased me, I argued within myself that if I could not banish love from
my luckless bosom, I might at least be able to keep cautious and secret
control of it therein; and how hard it is to do such a thing, no one can
discover who does not make trial of the same.
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