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Leacock, Stephen, 1869-1944

"My Discovery of England"

" Here it is:
A man entered a sleeping-car and said to the porter, "At what time
do we get to Buffalo?" The porter answered, "At half-past three in
the morning, sir." "All right," the man said;
"now I want to get off at Buffalo, and I want you to see that I
get off. I sleep heavily and I'm hard to rouse. But you just make
me wake up, don't mind what I say, don't pay attention if I kick
about it, just put me off, do you see?" "All right, sir," said the
porter. The man got into his berth and fell fast asleep. He never
woke or moved till it was broad daylight and the train was a hundred
miles beyond Buffalo. He called angrily to the porter, "See here,
you, didn't I tell you to put me off at Buffalo?" The porter looked
at him, aghast. "Well, I declare to goodness, boss!" he exclaimed;
"if it wasn't you, who was that man that I threw off this train at
half-past three at Buffalo?"
Now this story is as nearly fool-proof as can be. And yet it is
amazing how badly it can be messed up by a person with a special
gift for mangling a story. He does it something after this fashion:
"There was a fellow got on the train one night and he had a berth
reserved for Buffalo; at least the way I heard it, it was Buffalo,
though I guess, as a matter of fact, you might tell it on any other
town just as well--or no, I guess he didn't have his berth reserved,
he got on the train and asked the porter for a reservation for
Buffalo--or, anyway, that part doesn't matter--say that he had a
berth for Buffalo or any other place, and the porter came through and
said, 'Do you want an early call?'--or no, he went to the
porter--that was it--and said--"
But stop.


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