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Leacock, Stephen, 1869-1944

"My Discovery of England"

Whiskey taken on these
terms not only seems like a duty but it tastes better.
In the same way I find that in Scotland it is very often necessary to
take something to drink on purely meteorological grounds. The weather
simply cannot be trusted. A man might find that on "going out into the
weather" he is overwhelmed by a heavy fog or an avalanche of snow or a
driving storm of rain. In such a case a mere drop of whiskey might
save his life. It would be folly not to take it. Again,--"coming in
out of the weather" is a thing not to be trifled with. A person coming
in unprepared and unprotected might be seized with angina pectoris or
appendicitis and die upon the spot. No reasonable person would refuse
the simple precaution of taking a small drop immediately after his
entry.
I find that, classified altogether, there are seventeen reasons
advanced in Scotland for taking whiskey. They run as follows: Reason
one, because it is raining; Two, because it is not raining; Three,
because you are just going out into the weather; Four, because you
have just come in from the weather; Five; no, I forget the ones
that come after that. But I remember that reason number seventeen
is "because it canna do ye any harm." On the whole, reason seventeen
is the best.
Put in other words this means that the Scotch make use of whiskey
with dignity and without shame: and they never call it alcohol.


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