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Leacock, Stephen, 1869-1944

"My Discovery of England"

A "scholarly" man no longer means a man who
can talk well on literary subjects but a man who understands the
eighteenth amendment and can explain the legal difference between
implementing statutes such as the Volstead Act and the underlying
state legislation. A "scientist" (invaluable in these conversations)
is a man who can make clear the distinction between alcoholic
percentages by bulk and by weight. And a "brilliant engineer" means
a man who explains how to make homebrewed beer with a kick in it.
Similarly, a "raconteur" means a man who has a fund of amusing
stories about "bootleggers" and an "interesting traveller" means a
man who has been to Havana and can explain how wet it is. Indeed, the
whole conception of travel and of interest in foreign countries is
now altered: as soon as any one mentions that he has been in a
foreign country, all the company ask in one breath, "Is it dry?" The
question "How is Samoa?" or "How is Turkey?" or "How is British
Columbia?" no Ionger refers to the climate or natural resources: it
means "Is the place dry?" When such a question is asked and the
answer is "It's wet," there is a deep groan all around the table.
I understand that when the recent disarmament conference met at
Washington just as the members were going to sit down at the table
Monsieur Briand said to President Harding, "How dry is the United
States, anyway?" And the whole assembly talked about it for half an
hour.


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