I have neither mother to be delighted with the reputation
of her son, nor wife to partake the honours of her husband.
"I have outlived my friends and my rivals. Nothing is now of much
importance; for I cannot extend my interest beyond myself. Youth
is delighted with applause, because it is considered as the
earnest of some future good, and because the prospect of life is
far extended; but to me, who am now declining to decrepitude,
there is little to be feared from the malevolence of men, and yet
less to be hoped from their affection or esteem. Something they
may take away, but they can give me nothing. Riches would now be
useless, and high employment would be pain. My retrospect of life
recalls to my view many opportunities of good neglected, much time
squandered upon trifles, and more lost in idleness and vacancy. I
leave many great designs unattempted, and many great attempts
unfinished.
"My mind is burdened with no heavy crime, and therefore I compose
myself to tranquillity; endeavour to abstract my thoughts from
hopes and cares, which, though reason knows them to be vain, still
try to keep their old possession of the heart; expect, with serene
humility, that hour which nature cannot long delay; and hope to
possess, in a better state, that happiness which here I could not
find, and that virtue which here I have not attained.
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