I was now establish'd the kept mistress in form, well
lodg'd, with a very sufficient allowance, and lighted up
with all the lustre of dress.
Mr. H . . . continu'd kind and tender to me; yet, with
all this, I was far from happy; for, besides my regret for
my dear youth, which, though often suspended or diverted,
still return'd upon me in certain melancholic, moments with
redoubled violences, I wanted more society, more dissipation.
As to Mr. H . . ., he was so much my superior in every
sense, that I felt it too much to the disadvantage of the
gratitude I ow'd him. Thus he gain'd my esteem, though he
could not raise my taste; I was qualify'd for no sort of
conversation with him except one sort, and that is a satis-
faction which leaves tiresome intervals, if not fill'd up
by love, or other amusements.
Mr. H . . ., so experienc'd, so learned in the ways of
women, numbers of whom had passed through his hands, doubt-
less soon perceiv'd this uneasiness, and without approving
or liking me the better for it, had the complaisance to in-
dulge me.
He made suppers at my lodgings, where he brought sev-
eral companions of his pleasures, with their mistresses;
and by this means I got into a circle of acquaintance that
soo strip'd me of all the remains of bashfulness and modesty
which might be yet left of my country education, and were,
to a just taste, perhaps the greatest of my charms.
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