I tore my hair, wrung my hands, and beat
my breast like a mad-woman. But when my new master, for in
that light I then view'd him, applied himself to appease me,
as my whole rage was levell'd at myself, no part of which I
thought myself permitted to aim at him, I begged of him,
with more submission than anger, to leave me alone that I
might, at least, enjoy my affliction in quiet. This he
positively refused, for fear, as he pretended, I should do
myself a mischief.
Violent passions seldom last long, and those of women
least of any. A dead still calm succeeded this storm, which
ended in a profuse shower of tears.
Had any one, but a few instants before, told me that I
should have ever known any man but Charles, I would have
spit in his face; or had I been offer'd infinitely a greater
sum of money than that I saw paid for me, I had spurn'd the
proposal in cold blood. But our virtues and our vices
depend too much on our circumstances; unexpectedly beset as
I was, betray'd by a mind weakened by a long severe afflic-
tion, and stunn'd with the terrors of a jail, my defeat
will appear the more excusable, since I certainly was not
present at, or a party in any sense, to it. However, as the
first enjoyment is decisive, and he was now over the bar, I
thought I had no longer a right to refuse the caresses of
one that had got that advantage over me, no matter how ob-
tain'd; conforming myself then to this maxim, I consider'd
myself as so much in his power that I endur'd his kisses and
embraces without affecting struggles or anger; not that they,
as yet, gave me any pleasure, or prevail'd over the aversion
of my soul to give myself up to any sensation of that sort;
what I suffer'd, I suffer'd out of a kind of gratitude, and
as a matter of course after what had pass'd.
Pages:
83
84
85
86
87
88
89
90
91
92
93
94
95
96
97
98
99
100
101
102
103
104
105
106
107