The risks of Mrs. Brown's discovering my purpose, of
disappointments, misery, ruin, all vanish'd before this new-
kindl'd flame. The seeing, the touching, the being, if but
for a night, with this idol of my fond virgin-heart, appeared
to me a happiness above the purchase of my liberty or life.
He might use me ill, let him! he was the master; happy, too
happy, even to receive death at so dear a hand.
To this purpose were the reflections of the whole day,
of which every minute seem'd to me a little eternity. How
often did I visit the clock! nay, was tempted to advance
the tedious hand, as if that would have advanc'd the time
with it! Had those of the house made the least observations
on me, they must have remark'd something extraordinary from
the discomposure I could not help betraying; especially when
at dinner mention was made of the charmingest youth having
been there, and stay'd breakfast. "Oh! he was such a beauty!
. . . I should have died for him! . . . they would pull caps
for him! . . ." and the like fooleries, which, however, was
throwing oil on a fire I was sorely put to it to smother the
blaze of.
The fluctuations of my mind, the whole day, produc'd
one good effect: which was, that, through mere fatigue, I
slept tolerably well till five in the morning, when I got up,
and having dress'd myself, waited, under the double tortures
of fear and impatience, for the appointed hour.
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