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Thackeray, William Makepeace, 1811-1863

"Burlesques"

"
At this I started, and might have sunk to the ground, but for my hold of
Mr. Bar's nose; Orlando seemed putrified to stone, with his irons fixed
to Mr. Hock's head; our respective patients gave a wince out:--Mrs. C.,
Jemimarann, and Tug, rushed from the back shop, and we formed a splendid
tableau such as the great Cruikshank might have depicted.
"And Mr. John Tuggeridge, sir?" says I.
"Why--hee, hee, hee!" says Mr. Sharpus. "Surely you know that he was
only the--hee, hee, hee!--the natural son!"
You now can understand why the servants from Portland Place had been so
eager to come to us. One of the house-maids heard Mr. Sharpus say there
was no will, and that my wife was heir to the property, and not Mr. John
Tuggeridge: this she told in the housekeeper's room; and off, as soon as
they heard it, the whole party set, in order to be the first to bear the
news.
We kept them, every one in their old places; for, though my wife would
have sent them about their business, my dear Jemimarann just hinted,
"Mamma, you know THEY have been used to great houses, and we have not;
had we not better keep them for a little?"--Keep them, then, we did, to
show us how to be gentlefolks.
I handed over the business to Mr. Crump without a single farthing of
premium, though Jemmy would have made me take four hundred pounds for
it; but this I was above: Crump had served me faithfully, and have the
shop he should.


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