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Thackeray, William Makepeace, 1811-1863

"Burlesques"

"
"Oh! just as good."
"Only the divvle's in the luck, there's not a fresh egg to be had--no,
nor a fresh chicken," continued I, "nor a stale one either; nor a
tayspoonful of souchong, nor a thimbleful of bohay; nor the laste taste
in life of butther, salt or fresh; nor hot rowls or cowld!"
"In the name of heaven!" said Mrs. Van, growing very pale, "what is
there, then?"
"Ladies and gentlemen, I'll tell you what there is now," shouted I.
"There's
"Two drumsticks of fowls, and a bone of ham.
Fourteen bottles of ginger-beer," &c. &c. &c.
And I went through the whole list of eatables as before, ending with the
ham-sandwiches and the pot of jelly.
"Law! Mr. Gahagan," said Mrs. Colonel Vandegobbleschroy, "give me the
ham-sandwiches--I must manage to breakfast off them."
And you should have heard the pretty to-do there was at this modest
proposition! Of course I did not accede to it--why should I? I was the
commander of the fort, and intended to keep these three very sandwiches
for the use of myself and my dear Belinda. "Ladies," said I, "there are
in this fort one hundred and twenty-six souls, and this is all the food
which is to last us during the siege. Meat there is none--of drink there
is a tolerable quantity; and at one o'clock punctually, a glass of wine
and one olive shall be served out to each woman: the men will receive
two glasses, and an olive and a fig--and this must be your food during
the siege.


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