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Thackeray, William Makepeace, 1811-1863

"Burlesques"

Heven Visp, the
coachmin, eld out his and, & said, 'Jeames, I hopes theres no quarraling
betwigst you & me, & I'll stand a pot of beer with pleasure.'
"The sickofnts!--that wery Cook had split on me to the Housekeeper
ony last week (catchin me priggin some cold tuttle soop, of which I'm
remarkable fond). Has for the butler, I always EBOMMINATED him for his
precious snears and imperence to all us Gents who woar livry (he never
would sit in our parlor, fasooth, nor drink out of our mugs); and in
regard of Visp--why, it was ony the day before the wulgar beest hoffered
to fite me, and thretnd to give me a good iding if I refused. Gentlemen
and ladies,' says I, as haughty as may be, 'there's nothink that I
want for that I can't go for to buy with my hown money, and take at my
lodgins in Halbany, letter Hex; if I'm ungry I've no need to refresh
myself in the KITCHING.' And so saying, I took a dignified ajew of these
minnial domestics; and ascending to my epartment in the 4 pair back,
brushed the powder out of my air, and taking off those hojous livries
for hever, put on a new soot, made for me by Cullin of St. Jeames
Street, and which fitted my manly figger as tight as whacks.
"There was ONE pusson in the house with womb I was rayther anxious to
evoid a persnal leave-taking--Mary Hann Oggins, I mean--for my art is
natural tender, and I can't abide seeing a pore gal in pane.


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