TRADE EMBELLISHMENTS.
"_If applied but once gently with the palm of the hand, it will afford
the sufferer delightful and instantaneous relief_;" i.e., It at once
removes the skin, and if rubbed in with vigour will flay a horse.
PLATFORMULARS.
"_I feel that I have already trespassed upon your patience, and
detained you an unconscionable time_;" i.e., "Your attention seems
flagging. I want a moment or two for reflection, and a cue to go on
again."
* * * * *
THE RACK OF THE RATE-PAYER.
(_BY A VICTIM OF "QUINQUENNIAL VALUATION."_)
"Parochial Authorities have a way of their own in interpreting
Acts of Parliament, and a very peculiar way indeed of dealing
with the Valuation Act.... Overseers go their own way, and
interpret the Act according to their knowledge and experience;
and in many cases experience is lacking, and knowledge an
altogether unknown quantity.... When dealing with leasehold
property, overseers positively revel in the most delightful
caprice. The leaseholder's property is dealt with kindly or
the reverse, just as it is in this or that parish."--_James's
Gazette_.
Tennyson talks of "gay quinquenniads." Yes,
But he would mention them with less elation
If he had my experience, I guess,
Of the _not_ gay Quinquennial Valuation!
I am not now so young as once I was,
I have arrived at the Golosh and Gamp Age,
I am not equal to contend--that's poz--
With the Parochial Fathers on the rampage.
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