And if it
is true, are not some of us justified in making experiments now? Lord
Tatham I know will have told you I was quite frank from the beginning. I
did not wish to marry; but I meant to be a very true friend; and I wanted
to be allowed to love you both, as one loves one's friends, and to share
your life a little. And the thing I most wished was that Lord Tatham
should marry--some one quite different from myself.
"So we agreed that we would write, and share each other's feelings and
thoughts as far as we could. And I hoped that any other idea with regard
to me would soon pass out of Lord Tatham's mind. I did--most sincerely;
and I think he believes that I did. How good and dear he always was to
me!--how much I have learnt from him! And yet I am afraid it was all very
blind, and ill-considered--perhaps very selfish--on my part. I did not
understand what harm I _might_ do; though I hope with all my heart--and
believe--that I have not done anything irreparable. It is very hard
for me to regret it; because all my life I shall be the richer and the
wiser for having known so good a man; one so true, so unselfish, so
high-minded. Women so rarely come to know men, except in marriage, or
through books; and your son's character has sweetened and ennobled whole
sides of life for me--forever.
"But if--in return--I have given him pain--and you, who love him! I was
always afraid of you--but I would have done anything in the world to
serve you.
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